


Kiss, Date, Marry

by Pandamomochan



Series: Opposites Eventually Attract [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Romance, sorry clark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-29
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-28 19:27:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5102912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandamomochan/pseuds/Pandamomochan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A JLA PR event gone horribly wrong forces Superman to confess something he doesn’t want to admit about Batman on national TV. Bruce’s reaction is the last thing Clark expects. (Note: don't really need to read part 1)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kiss, Date, Marry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is part of the “Opposites Eventually Attract” series, but this story is written in a way where it doesn’t matter if you read it or not. You just need to know at this point Clark and Bruce are dating.

Never in his life had the invincible Man of Steel felt as helpless and exposed as he did at this moment. The fluorescent lights blared down on him with an unrelenting harshness making the super hero all too familiar with the phrase “deer caught in headlights,” but unlike the expression, no liberating vehicular impact would come to his rescue.

“So Superman,” the outrageously forward voice sang. “Judging from your response, that means if you had to choose, you would _marry_ Batman?”

He opened his mouth to reply but immediately retracted it and swallowed hard on his words. After what felt like a little more than an eternity, he stammered out an answer.

“I…uh, yeah…I would marry Batman.”

If the floor were to cave in and swallow him up at that very moment, Clark Kent’s prayers would have been answered. Unfortunately, the prayer answering being listening to his pleas had the exact opposite in mind.

Without warning, the ceiling came crashing down. On any normal instance, the alien’s super senses would have perceived the oncoming collision long before its occurrence, but during this particular occasion, he’d been too impaired by embarrassment to hear it. However, this did not stop his heroically trained body from involuntarily moving into action and catching the plummeting figure in a perfect princess style hold.

“BATMAN!”

His face burned with an intense heat although he was pretty sure it was less from his mortification and more from the deep growl of his would be damsel.

“I couldn’t have timed this better if it had been staged!” The woman shouted with delight. “My, you two boys certainly know how to deliver!”

**************~Two days earlier~***************

“No,” Batman flatly replied.

“Oh, come on, you didn’t even think about it,” Superman all but whined as he followed behind him.

“What is there to think about?” Bruce refuted while picking up his stride.

“You said so yourself. Ever since the discovery of the Watchtower, our public relations is at an all-time low, and this kind of negative backlash could lead to all kinds of complications for the league.”

Batman titled his head up, an action that always seemed a bit more dramatic due to the sleek shape of his cowl and pointy ears. This was something Clark always noticed Bruce would do whenever he was deliberating something in his head. Hopefully this was a good sign.

Finally, Bruce shrugged. “True, but there are better ways to deal with this sort of thing. Also, handling public relations is what we have _you_ for.”

Clark frowned at the other man. “Yes, and that’s why, albeit reluctantly, I agreed to this, but your attendance was specifically requested along with mine."

“And you think _me_ going would actually _help_ our public relations?”

Clark opened his mouth to counter before a very detailed image played its way into his mind. Maybe Bruce was right. 

“Don’t you think this is something that Flash would be better suited for?” Bruce added.

Clark let out a chagrined sigh. “Maybe, but compared to the rest of the league, the margin of votes requesting you and myself was nearly 5 to 1.”

Bruce finally stopped walking and turned to face Clark. “I think as long as you show up they will be more than satisfied.”

Clark’s mouth started to form into the shape of a pout. “Haven’t you ever heard of misery needing company?”

“You get what suffering you ask for,” Bruce replied before entering the main hall where several league members were already waiting leaving a very dejected looking Superman behind.

*****************************************************************

“Ladies you asked, and we delivered. Please give a round of applause to one, the only, SUPERMAN!”

The crowd burst into a chorus of cheers as a majority of the audience members jumped up from their seats and started to clap and shout loudly.

When the JLA PR specialist first told him he was going to be on America’s most highly rated television show, this was not what he was expecting at all. He assumed it was going to be some sort of a news segment. So Clark was more than a little surprised to find that he was to appear on a day time talk show called the “Wendy Beaunday-time Chat”.

“Thank you for having me,” Clark replied somewhat meeker than he intended. This wasn’t the hero’s first public appearance, and when it came to dealing with the media, he was usually an expert. However, something about this particular crowd was a bit more intimidating then what he was used to, and Clark wasn’t exactly sure why.

He did notice that the audience primarily consisted of women of various ages, many of which were dressed in blue and red, or wearing apparel with the very familiar Superman logo on it. Still, Clark was already quite well versed in dealing with mobs of his adoring female fans, yet despite the familiarity of this situation, something just didn’t feel exactly right. The energy of the crowd was a bit more fanatical than normal, and suddenly he was getting a very bad premonition.

“So, Superman,” the hostess of the show chirped in a voice that was too peppy to be genuine, but too chipper to be entirely fake. “Is it okay if I call you that, or is there a more casual name you prefer to go by?”

For a moment Clark stared at the woman in mild shock at her forwardness. He then recollected himself and replied with the warmest smile he could muster. “Well, mam, I have a secret identity for a reason.”

The woman brought a hand to her mouth and let out an amused laugh. “Of course you do, I am only teasing, and please, call me Wendy. I know I may be overdue for my next facelift, but I think I am still far from _mam_ status.”

Clark felt his face go red and immediately apologized. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.”

The woman let out another startlingly laugh and slapped Clark roughly on the thigh a few times. “Teasing again!” She chortled before bringing a hand to Clark’s cheek and lightly patting him. “You are too adorable! This is why these ladies LOVE YOU!” As Wendy shouted, she threw her hands up and turned towards the audience. The crowd burst into a roar of giddy screams and laughter as several women jumped out their seats again. “You are just the kind of well-mannered gentleman that the ladies would dream to bring home to mom.” 

Clark slightly flinched at the explosive audience reaction. It was as though the hostess and the crowd were feeding off one another all while draining the hero of his own energy. Clark was already starting to feel exhausted. This was unlike any interview he’d ever done before, and he could not get a read on Wendy at all. Was she trying to flatter or pick on him?

For a moment, Clark was lost in his thoughts before he felt a nudge to his side. Wendy jabbed Clark in the ribs with her elbow and began to mouth to him through the corner of her plastic smile. “Speaking of heroes that the ladies love, where is tall, dark, and mysterious?”

“Tall, dark, and who?” Clark echoed back with confusion.

Wendy raised an eyebrow to the puzzled hero before giving him a wry smirk. “Why Batman of course.” 

Wendy’s smile only deepened at the surprised reaction on Clark’s face. She then turned and addressed the audience before he could even respond.

“No offense, but for every lady out there looking for “Mr. Nice” there are just as many looking for “Mr. Not so Nice”, if you know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t,” Clark unintentionally thought out loud. Wendy apparently didn’t hear him or didn’t care as she continued on with her tangent.

“Something about a guy who is willing to play rough and hard to get just really gets us ladies going. It’s a pity he couldn’t make it.”

Her eyes were now glazed over, and when Clark looked out at the crowd they all had a similar look in their eyes. He really did not understand women at all.

“Sorry, Batman had some important league business to attend,” Clark replied in a somewhat reluctant manner. He knew it was a flat out lie, and he hoped his tone didn’t give it away.

Wendy suddenly shook her head as her bemused expression immediately transformed back to its typical confident and aggressive form. “It’s okay. I think you are still more than enough man to satisfy this crowd. Isn’t that why they call you the man of _steel_?”

The blush on Clark’s face returned. Keeping up with this woman was turning out to be tougher than he expected, but he knew he had to do something to keep this conversation from spiraling even further out of his control. 

“Speaking of the league,” Clark coughed as he cleared his throat in attempt to mask his embarrassment. “I thought I came on this show to talk about how the league intends to have a more open relationship with-”

Wendy’s face wrinkled with a bit of irritation before she shook her head and started waving a hand at Clark idly. “Yes, yes, yes. We are all about being open on this show.” 

With this comment, her face immediately transformed to an eager grin causing her to turn to the audience and shout to them in an energetic voice. “So I guess it’s about time we get down to business with our favorite segment, Wendy’s Wild Ten!”

The crowd erupted yet again as though they were all in on something that Clark was completely in the dark about. Unfortunately that thought was completely true.

“So earlier in our show, we asked all the ladies in the audience and online to provide questions they would like to ask you, and from those, we picked the top ten suggestions. Are you ready to start?”

Clark wasn’t sure what was going on, but suddenly the bad premonition he had earlier began to resurface. However, despite his suspicions, Clark was not sure what else he could do to divert the situation, and in the end, he conceded to play along. “I, okay.”

Wendy’s smile took a devilish shape and Clark was already regretting his decision.

“First question, boxers or briefs?”

“How is this-” Clark sputtered before he was instantly cut off.

“Well I guess the answer is quite obvious just from looking at your uniform,” Wendy grinned as she eyed Clark in a slightly suggestive manner. “Although, I wonder, if you are wearing your briefs on the outside, does that mean there is nothing else underneath that suit?”

“I-”

“Kidding!” Wendy chirped as she slapped a very red faced Clark on the knee. “My Superman, you sure are an open book of adorable blushes.”

Clark wasn’t even sure how to respond as his face only got hotter.

“Second question, do you kiss on the first date?”

Clark opened his mouth but no words followed. He then closed it before his face went from shocked to frank. “I…would prefer not answer that.”

Wendy’s smile curled even further. “Of course, a true gentleman such as you would never kiss and tell. Ready for question number three?”

“I’m not sure that I am,” Clark sighed out with pure honesty.

After that, the unfortunate hero was probed with a series of questions that were beyond personal and embarrassing. Clark tried his best not to grimace when he heard the phrases such as “lights on or off?” or “butts or breasts?” It was the most intense and chaotic ten minutes of his life. At this point, he would take another head to head battle with Darkseid over this horror.

“Superman, you have been doing so well. Somehow you managed to keep your virtue quite intact. That’s the least I can say for the majority of our guest. You really are the perfect gentleman.”

“Thanks…” Clark replied wearily.

“So, it’s time for our final two questions. As promised, let’s talk about the league.”

Clark wanted to be happy about this comment. The whole reason he even went on this shameful show was for the league, but after what he just went through, he knew that it was pointless to get his hopes up.

“Superman, have you ever heard of the game “Fuck, Kill, Marry?” Oh my, am I allowed to say that live?” Wendy laughed as she looked off stage towards the director who was looking just as pale as Clark.

“I suppose any person who has been in a high school before has heard of that game,” Clark replied as he struggled to maintain his smile. “but what would-”

Once again, Wendy cut him off. “Okay, well, we know you don’t kill, so for the purposes of this game, we have altered the options a bit. God forbid we do anything to offend you.”

“Yes, because you haven’t done that already…” Clark muttered under his breath.

“So the options for this game instead are “Kiss, Date, Marry.”

Wendy looked at Clark expectantly, and the only thing he could manage at this point was a nod.

“So from the following league members, Wonder Woman, Hawkgirl, and Black Canary, who would Kiss, Date, and Marry?”

Clark’s smile dropped, and he struggled not to look at Wendy in complete horror. “I wouldn’t, I don’t, I…”

Wendy’s smile did not falter but her face changed to a look of sympathy. “Superman, Superman, please, there is no reason to be embarrassed,” Wendy cooed, her voice substantially softer as she rested a reassuring hand on his knee. “Hmm, maybe we should give you a pass on this one?” 

“You would do that?” Clark questioned with complete shock. Maybe he had been wrong to believe that the woman was complete evil incarnate.

“Of course, darling, I mean obviously one of those three lucky ladies holds a special spot in your heart, and we don’t want to ruin your chances with her.”

“No, it’s not like that. That’s not why-” Clark explained, but Wendy was already turning away from him and towards the audience. The crowd clapped and nodded their heads in agreement.

“Ok, since we gave you a pass, you _have_ to answer our final question. Only one life line is allowed in this game. How does that sound?”

“Ok…” Clark replied weakly. He already knew he was being trapped but decided just to accept it and hope it wouldn’t be as bad as he was expecting. He was wrong.

“Alright! Final Question!” Wendy shouted more to the audience than to Clark. “Are you ready?!”

“No…” Clark murmured.

“Of the following league members, Batman, Flash, and Green Lantern, who would you Kiss, Date, and Marry?”

Clark didn’t even attempt to be civil this time as he frowned at Wendy and replied back in a deep stern voice. “This is highly inappropriate.”

Wendy laughed, as though Clark was joking, but when she looked over at him to confirm this, he was still frowning. Wendy’s smile faltered for a moment, before she slapped Clark on the knee again. “Oh come on, it’s just a fun little game. It’s not like your answers really mean anything. It’s just a bit of fun for the audience. We make all our guests play along.”

“I know, but…” Clark’s voice trailed.

“Come on, Superman, let’s give these ladies an exciting show!” Wendy exclaimed as she motioned towards the audience. The women all jeered and whistled at this and several shouted words of encouragement to Clark.

“I really rather not…” Clark mumbled lowly.

“Ah, ah, ah, no more passes, Superman. We agreed,” Wendy harried while waving a finger at the man. “This question is much less personal then the last one. I doubt your answers will risk your status with any of these members, and I’m sure they all have a sense of humor.”

“You would think so…” Clark grimaced. 

“Well, Superman?” 

Clark wasn’t sure when it happened, but his head was now completely lowered towards the ground. At this comment, he finally raised it back up and suddenly felt the expectant eyes of Wendy and the entire audience on him. It was at that moment he remembered the reason he even agreed to this horrific interview and realized that he had to make this demeaning experience somehow worthwhile to the league.

“Okay, fine…” he sighed in utter defeat.

Wendy’s eyes lit up, and the entire audience was leaping from their seats and cheering. “You are the BEST!”

“Alright, so first off, who would you kiss?”

“I guess…Flash…” Clark somehow managed to choke out.

“Curious. Would it have to do with the fact that the only thing faster than his legs is his legendary lips?”

“I was not aware this was an open ended question,” Clark blurted while he tried to keep his voice under control.

“I suppose it’s not,” Wendy mewled with a bit of disappointment. “So then who would you date?”

“Green Lantern,” Clark replied a bit too quickly. His fast response sparked a color of intrigue in Wendy’s green eyes. “Would you be sporting enough to elaborate?”

“It’s probably better I don’t. I mean, it’s just that given the two choices I have left, it would make sense since I…” Clark let his voice fade as he realized he almost said too much. He then prayed that Wendy would not take notice.

She grinned knowingly, and Clark felt his blood go cold. “So, Superman, judging from your response that means, if you had to choose, you would _marry_ Batman?”

Clark’s face turned a shade of red he never even knew existed. He then looked towards the ground and stammered as lowly as he could possibly speak in hopes that his reply would not be heard. “I…uh, yeah…I would marry Batman.”

Wendy’s eyes grew to an unimaginable size, but just as she opened her mouth to speak, a bit dust fell on her head. She blinked with confusion, and it was at that moment Clark moved into action. Before Wendy even knew what was going on, she was gently shoved to the side just in time to avoid the ceiling as it caved in. In that same moment, a dark figure fell from the sky and landed in Clark’s arms.

“BATMAN!” Wendy and Clark gasped in unison.

Wendy then let out a giddy jeer before spinning towards the audience and then back at the two heroes. “I couldn’t have timed this better if it had been staged! My, you two boys certainly know how to deliver!”

To Be Continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently had to work from home, and as a result I would watch day time TV on my breaks. Long story short, day time TV is useless dribble that is mostly a lot of gossip and celebrity shaming. This story is the product of an idea that was spurred while watching a stupid talk show. Admittedly, I hate day time TV, but at least I got a fun story idea out of it, so I guess it’s not all bad.
> 
> In any case, I decided to pick on Clark a little bit this time, and I did start to feel sorry for him, but not sorry enough to let up. He is such a nice guy. I knew he’d get through it all with his valor intact. Well, stick around for the last chapter. It’s going to be the story more from Bruce’s POV, and you get to find out why he was crawling around in the air vents, haha. Also since my last fic was a very sad attempt at smut, this one will be a bit fluffier. I actually prefer writing comedy and fluff, so here’s hoping I fair better. See you everyone next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is part of the “Opposites Eventually Attract” series, but this story is written in a way where it doesn’t matter if you read it or not. You just need to know at this point Clark and Bruce are dating.

Batman frowned as he walked into the room and took in his surroundings. Several food wrappers were strewn about the area, and there were even a few cluttering up the main console. Slowly his eyes followed the trail of snacks, before he finally located the source of the mess. “What’s this about? Don’t you have watch today?”

Flash was now reclining back in his chair with his feet resting on the edge of the console and a bag of chips on his stomach. On one side of the screen he was viewing, there were several windows with various JLA monitoring features, and on the other side, there was daytime TV.

“Relax I got this,” Flash smirked smugly. “Did you have any idea that the so called PR interview Superman is going to is on the Wendy Beaunday show? There is no way I could miss it!”

Bruce scowled at the grinning hero who now had his boots and a few soda cans dangerously close to a million dollar piece of machinery. Wally noticed the disapproving glare but completely interpreted it as Bruce needing further explanation.

“Give me Fox News, MSNBC, and a shark tank any day. That lady is brutal! Of course, Batman wouldn’t have any clue about the horror of day time talk shows. Oh, but maybe I do recall a certain billionaire playboy who was once in the Wendy hot bench. As I recall, she was very interested in Bruce Wayne’s adoption choices of viable young boys.”

“I try not to dwell on the useless points in my life,” Bruce replied dryly as he brushed Wally’s feet off the console and began to remove the various snack items. As a result, Wally sat up and began to assist, though his motivation was less about cleaning and more about consuming. 

“Well, if he somehow manages to survive, there’s no doubt every single women on the planet ages 18-60 will be casting their lot with the league. The cult base for Wendy makes the Oprah following look like Tuesday night at a strip club, but poor Supes,” Wally sighed as he shook his head solemnly. “He sure doesn’t deserve this kind of publicity.”

“And yet that doesn’t stop you from stuffing your face while watching him struggle.”

Wally merely grinned up at Bruce in response. Bruce frowned back before he looked over at that console and noticed it was flashing. Before he had time to say anything, Flash was already flipping through the screen. “One sec.”

Wally began to type at an alarming rate as he scrolled through various windows at a speed Bruce could hardly comprehend. He then eventually stopped and let out a worried noise. “You have to be kidding me.”

“What?” Bruce questioned as he leaned in closer to get a better look.

“There’s been a bomb threat, and you would never guess where,” Flash answered before looking back up at Bruce nervously. “Coincidence?” 

Bruce furrowed his brow before replying. “Doubtful.”

*************************************************************

“Initiating scan.”

Bruce lowered his head and looked at the building just below the roof he was standing on before his eyes lit up. The images before him suddenly transformed into a digitized state as an array of black and white shapes flashed before his eyes.

Prior to arriving at the studio, Flash had gathered more information about the bomb threat. Apparently a message had been sent stating that a bomb was hidden somewhere within the studio, and if anyone attempted to disable it, it would be remotely detonated. Of course, the message was not received until after the audience for the Wendy Beaunday-time chat had already been seated, and it was further stated that if anyone attempted to leave or the show was interrupted in any kind of way, the bomb would be set off. Unfortunately, this particular segment was always broadcasted live making it very difficult for the authorities to try and check the building undetected. Also it was a bit risky because no one was exactly sure how the mastermind was monitoring everything. Sure many suspected this was just a hoax, but Batman didn’t think this situation was one to take lightly. The JLA had too many enemies who could be prime suspects for a crime like this one. 

In the end, Bruce decided this was something worth investigating. He debated on informing Clark about the situation but in the end decided it was best to keep him in the dark for now so that the taping of the show would go smoothly. Missions like this required finesse, and this was something Bruce could easily handle without Superman’s assistance. If things went as planned, he would locate the bomb and disable it before the culprit or the audience had any idea what was going on. There was also the possibility that this was a fake threat in which case there was no need to alarm Clark.

“Found it!” Wally shouted from over the communicator. He was now linked up with Bruce and running support back at the tower. Everything Bruce was scanning was being sent back to the console that Wally was now operating. “Uh oh…”

“What’s the problem?” Batman questioned as he continued to scan the rest of the building in case there were multiple bombs.

A strained sound could be heard from over their link. “It’s right above the stage where the show is being recorded.”

“Of course,” Bruce replied as he completed his analysis. Thoroughly satisfied there were no other threats, the the vigilante leaped from off the building he was standing on and landed on top of the studio roof below.

“Hold up, I’m pulling up the studio’s layout,” Bruce waited as the sound of vigorous typing could be heard. He then turned off the scanner so that he was able to examine his surroundings with his normal vision. Unfortunately the sonar made it very difficult to distinguish things clearly.

“Yes!” Wally laughed out in triumph. “If you use the upper air ducts, it should lead you right to the bomb’s location. As a matter a fact, I think that is where the bomb is actually hidden.

“Fine, I already see an opening,” Bruce replied as he began to pry open a nearby ventilation grate. “Once I’m inside, guide me to the location of the bomb.”

Luckily the ducts were big enough for Bruce to crawl in while remaining hunched over. This allowed him to move much more quickly and gave him a bit more mobility then in past cases where he’d been forced to low crawl his way through the entire expanse of a building’s air shaft. The only downside was that he could tell the ventilation system was pretty old and badly in need of some preventative maintenance.

“Alright so in four meters you will hit a fork, hang a left from there.”

Bruce was actually a bit surprised at how well Wally was handling this situation. It was usually hard to keep the speedster focused especially when he was being forced to sit in one place for an extended period of time. Maybe having the younger hero work a console for a change wasn’t such a bad idea.

“So B, you feeling like a TV dinner yet?”

“What?”

“It’s a reference to Die Hard. You know, a movie, and, oh yeah, it’s you I’m talking to” Wally drawled. “Never mind, now that I had to explain it, the joke kind of loses it’s-.”

“Flash, focus,” Bruce snapped as he cut off Wally’s ranting. “We don’t have much time, and we only have until the end of the show before the culprit makes a move.” 

“Yeah, yeah, okay, I get it,” Wally muttered back. “You are about to make a two meter drop.” 

Bruce followed Wally’s directions. As soon as he landed, he was met with the sound of clapping and loud cheers.

“Ladies you asked, and we delivered,” a loud boisterous female voice shouted. “Please give a round of applause to the one, the only, SUPERMAN!”

“Oh wow! It looks like the show just started,” Wally exclaimed from over the communicator. “And here I was disappointed that I was going to miss it, but now I can hear everything perfectly.”

“Pay attention,” Bruce growled out in warning.

“Of course, don’t you know I’m the master of the art of multitasking?” Flash snorted somewhat proudly. “Just keep moving forward for about six more meters. You still have a ways to go.”

Bruce began to make his way through the vents, the further he got the more distinct the voices below him became. “So, Superman, is it okay if I call you that, or is there a more casual name you prefer to go by?”

“Wow, that lady is wasting no time in being offensive,” Wally chuckled out. “Sorry, Supes!”

Bruce shook his head in mild disgust. If Wally really was sorry, why did he sound so pleased?

“Speaking of heroes that the ladies love, where is tall, dark, and mysterious?” the women questioned.

“Tall, dark, and who?” Wally echoed at the same time as Clark.

“Why Batman of course. No offense, but for every lady out there looking for “Mr. Nice” there are just as many looking for “Mr. Not so Nice”, if you know what I mean.”

Muffled laughing could be heard over the communicator. “Flash!” Bruce barked as he tried to regain the heroes’ focus.

“Oh man, sorry, B, I mean, _“Mr. Not so Nice.”_ I just wasn’t expecting that at all. Who would’ve known your _“get the hell away from me”_ impression was so popular with the ladies. I’ve been going about it all wrong.” A low guttural tremble sounded in Bruce’s throat which immediately transformed Wally’s voice back to one of complete sobriety. “So yeah, hang a right at the next corner, and it should be just another-”

Just as Wally was about to finish his sentence, Bruce was making his way directly over Clark and Wendy. It was at that point, the woman’s next statement could be heard loud and clearly. “It’s okay. I think you are still more than enough man to satisfy this crowd. Isn’t that why they call you the man of _steel?”_

Bruce nearly tore the communicator out of his cowl as Wally’s loud laughs roared over the device at an unbearable volume. The sound of choking and strangled laughter filled their link. “I can’t believe she,” Wally gasped out “Man of _steel.”_ A few more ragged breaths were heard as the young hero struggled to regain his composure. “Poor S.”

“You finished?” Bruce questioned impatiently.

“I, yeah…” Wally answered his voice light but somewhat remorseful. “Well, as I was saying, after you make a right, the bomb should be somewhere near your location.

Bruce scanned the area before his eyes located a very distinguishable yet out of place object. “Found it.” 

“Great!” Wally exclaimed before his voice suddenly dropped. “Uh oh, this isn’t good at all.” 

Bruce tensed up as he attempted to look behind him for anything alarming. “What’s wrong?”

“Supes has to play the Wild Ten question game. That lady is going to murder him!”

Bruce clenched his jaw tightly. No good would come out of the words he wanted to speak. Instead he just approached the bomb cautiously. Once he was close enough to identify it, he subconsciously gasped.

“What’s the matter?” Wally questioned with worry. “Is it that bad?” 

Bruce narrowed his eyes on the device. “No, it’s actually quite the opposite.” 

“Huh?”

“This particular bomb is very common and so easy to make. Any kid with access to Google could figure it out.”

“Really? That’s kind of…” Wally’s voice began to trail. “anticlimactic.” 

“It shouldn’t take me more than a few minutes to disable this,” Bruce explained as he started to remove a few tools from his belt.

“That’s good news,” Wally mumbled absently as though he were considering something in his head. Bruce had a feeling Wally was already thinking the same thing that he was, but at this point he decided focusing on disarming the bomb was more important. 

As Bruce began to concentrate on his task, he started to tune out the voices below him. After only a few minutes had passed, he was more than halfway finished with disabling the bomb, just a few more wires to snip and- 

“So Superman, do you prefer to do it with lights on or off?”

At this comment, Bruce was taken completely off guard as his hand suddenly slipped and he narrowly missed snipping a wrong wire. 

_‘Shit!’_ Bruce mentally cursed as he realized how close he’d been to sending himself and the entire studio audience to the next life.

“Ms. Wendy, I don’t see how that kind of a question is anyone’s business,” Clark nervous voice stammered from below.

“Superman! You said you wanted to have a more open relationship with everyone, right?”

“I did, but-”

Bruce shook his head as he realized he completely forgot about the bomb and was now leaning in closer towards the air duct. True he was actually curious about Clark’s answer, but this was definitely not the time to think about those kinds of things. 

_‘Focus,’_ Bruce took in a deep breath and returned to the task before him. This may have been a design that Bruce was already well versed in disabling, but there was still a very specific order that the wires needed to be cut, and it was important that he concentrated.

“What’s your favorite sexual position?” Wendy asked.

 _‘Concentrate,’_ Bruce told himself.

“Where is the weirdest place you want to have sex?”

 _‘Focus,’_ Bruce repeated in his mind as he attempted to ignore the voices.

“Which do you prefer, someone aggressive or passive in bed?” 

Bruce’s mind began to go blank as he stared at the few remaining wires in his hands vacuously.

“What does your lover do that turns you on the most?”

The snips fell out of Bruce’s hands.

“Batman, are you okay?” Wally questioned from over the intercom.

“Quiet Flash, I can’t hear, er, concentrate.”

An awkward silence took over the link between Wally and Bruce. _“Oookaay,”_ Wally slurred out.

Bruce closed his eyes and let out a strained breath before picking the snips back up and cutting the last few wires. “The bomb has been disabled.”

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME!” Wally thundered.

“WHAT?” Bruce all but shouted back. For some reason his already nervous state had him matching Wally’s energy.

“She is going to make him play “Fuck, Kill, Marry.” Correction, “Kiss, Date, Marry,” and she just asked him to choose between Wonder Woman, Hawkgirl, and Black Canary!

Bruce let out an irritated growl that Wally didn’t even seem to notice. “Wow, what a loaded and dangerous question. Good thing Diana and Shiera probably don’t watch TV, but I wonder about Canary. Well, if you ask me, I can think of a few more things to do with them than kissing and dating.”

“No one asked you, so keep it to yourself,” Bruce retorted. “I am heading back. The bomb is too large for me to remove. We will have the authorities take care of it after the show.”

“You disabled the bomb already?” Bruce clicked his tongue with frustration. He was wrong. Wally wasn’t cut out for handling comm support. 

“Alright! Final Question! Are you ready?!” The hostess shouted from below. 

“Perfect timing,” Wally jeered. “Looks like we beat the culprit at his own game and there was no unnecessary outside interference. Now I can just enjoy the rest of the show.”

Bruce shook his head with annoyance. He then slowly turned around and started to make his exit. It was at that point he heard Wally choke over the communicator as the woman asked her last question.

“Of the following league members, Batman, Flash, and Green Lantern, who would you Kiss, Date, and Marry?”

Wild laughing took over their link and Bruce was certain that he heard the sound of a chair hitting the ground.

“Alright, so first off, who would you kiss?” the woman asked. At some point between Wally’s laughter, Wendy had managed to convince Clark to play along.

“I guess…Flash…” Clark stammered out.

“Curious. Would it have to do with the fact that the only thing faster than his legs is his legendary lips?”

“LEGENDARY LIPS!” Wally chortled. “Is that what the fans think of me? I really have been going at this all wrong!”

“We’re done here,” Bruce replied sternly. “I’m cutting our transmission.”

“Aww, no B, not when it was just getting goo-” Before Wally could finish his sentence, Bruce disconnected their link. Between the probing hostess and Wally’s commentary, Bruce was at his limit. He was sure he could navigate himself out of the ducts without Wally’s bantering assistance. 

Bruce scanned the area before his eyes fell on an exit grate about four meters straight ahead. It appeared to be in a location that he could easily slip away from undetected. Slowly Bruce made his way across the long expanse that was right above the stage.

“So, then who would you date?” the hostess asked.

“Green Lantern.” Bruce froze at the comment as his mind began register what they were talking about.

_‘What was the name of this game again? Kiss, Date…’_

“Would you be sporting enough to elaborate?” The woman asked. Bruce subconsciously leaned his body downward. The sound of a slightly alarming creak sounded from under his feet, but Bruce was too preoccupied to notice.

“It’s probably better I don’t. I mean, it’s just that given the two choices I have left, it would make sense since I…” Clark’s voice began to fade out, and Bruce wasn’t sure if he just stopped talking, or if he was speaking too lowly for him to hear. This caused Bruce to bring his head even closer to the duct and at some point Bruce started to hold his breath.

“So, Superman, judging from your response that means, if you had to choose, you would _marry_ Batman?” 

“I…uh,” Clark sputtered out.

Bruce’s eyes widened as the creaking sound got louder, but before he had time to react, the ground beneath him disappeared. In one last ditch effort, Bruce reached out for the edge of the duct, but it crumbled in his hands. Before he could process his landing options, Bruce was already safely in Clark’s arms staring up at a beet red face and large blue eyes.

“BATMAN!” Clark and the Wendy gasped in unison. It was then that the woman’s already enormous grin grew impossibly wider and she twirled around and shouted. “I couldn’t have timed this better if it had been staged! My, you two boys certainly know how to deliver!”

At this declaration the entire crowd erupted into thunderous shouts, cheers, whistles, and erratic clapping. Clark winced slightly at the alarming sounds behind him his eyes still locked on the scowling crusader. 

For a moment Bruce was stuck in a stunned state. The excited screaming was so loud his sense of reason was being overpowered. It wasn’t until he heard an audience member shout out “KISS HIM!” that Bruce finally snapped out of his stupor.

Clark made a small sound of discomfort as Bruce suddenly pushed off of him and jumped to his feet. Thoroughly thankful no one could see his blush through his cowl, Bruce turned his back to the audience.

“Batman? Why are you here?” Clark asked with alarm. “Is there something wrong?” 

“There was, and now it’s been dealt with,” Bruce replied evenly.

Clark looked at Bruce with an expression of pure confusion. “And you handled it already?” 

Bruce nodded.

“There isn’t anything you _need_ me to do?” Bruce did not miss the desperation in Clark’s tone.

“You can handle the cleanup,” he replied as he looked up in the direction where the bomb was still located. Clark immediately read Bruce’s signal and focused his eyes using his x-ray vision to peer in the direction Bruce was motioning. He then let out a gasp as Clark immediately realized what was going on.

“BATMAN!” an energetic voice exclaimed. “So you _were_ able to make it and such the dramatic entrance.” 

Bruce frowned at the woman who was now patting his shoulder with unearned familiarity before he brushed it aside. Wendy didn’t seem at all effected by this as she clapped her hands together and smiled brightly up at him. “Well, never mind the hole. Won’t you have a seat? We have so many questions.”

“No,” Bruce replied flatly. He then pulled out his grapple hook, shot it towards the ceiling, and disappeared from sight. Clark stared in the direction Bruce exited, and realized this was one of the few times he was actually jealous of Batman’s cold attitude.

“Always playing so hard to get,” Wendy pouted while snapping her fingers.

Clark resisted the urge to agree before smiling down at Wendy and replying. “Ms. Wendy, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask everyone to calmly evacuate the building.”

For the first time, a panicked look entered the woman’s eyes. “Why? Because a silly hole?”

“No, I’m afraid there was a bomb found in this building. It has been disarmed, but we still need everyone one to exit the studio so that the proper authorities can handle its removal.”

“Oh my,” Wendy gasped and several audience members joined her. The energy in room then began to transform as several people murmured among themselves. “So is that why Batman was just here?” Wendy asked.

Clark shook his head.

“Then that would mean the Justice League just saved everyone’s lives?” Wendy mumbled more to herself then to Clark. She then lowered her head and began to tremble. Clark wasn’t sure how to respond to the woman’s meek behavior. He started to lift a hand up to comfort her before she suddenly whipped her head back up and shouted.

“UNBELIEVABLE! See folks! What would the world be like if we didn’t have these wonderful heroes here to save the day? Let’s hear it for the Justice League!”

The crowd once again erupted in celebration, and Clark let out a sigh of relief. Considering all he’d gone through that day, he was happy that everything worked out in the League’s favor.

**********************************************

Clark let out an exhausted sigh as he made his way into the room. The first thing that greeted him was a big wide grin and a low snicker. “So, Big Blue, I guess we wouldn’t be kissing till the second date?”

“Wally…” Clark groaned.

“Haha, you know I’m kidding man,” Wally chuckled before bringing a hand to his chin and looking up thoughtfully. “I can’t wait to hear what GL thinks. Maybe he’ll take you out on a hot date.”

Clark attempted to frown at the tittering speedster, but was too drained to do so. Sensing Superman’s grief, Wally finally stopped laughing and gave Clark an apologetic smile. “Relax, Wendy had one thing right, we all have a pretty good sense of humor.”

Clark gave Wally a weak smile before a familiar dark figure caught both their eyes.

“Well, most of us that is,” Wally chuckled nervously as they both watched Batman leave the room without a word.

“So you think I should change my alias from Flash to Legendary Lips?” Wally asked with a dopey grin. Superman didn’t even attempt to mask his groan.

************************************************

After filing his report of the day’s events, Clark decided to head to the tower’s garden area. At this point he had his fill of stuffy atmospheres. He just needed one last walk around an open area to clear his mind before he could finally relax.

As he made his way to the center of the park, he was surprised to find Bruce overlooking a balcony deep in thought. Clark considered sneaking up on Bruce, but knew it was pointless. Instead he just called out to Bruce so that he could get his attention. “The show went pretty well for the league considering...”

“It actually came off a little staged,” Bruce immediately replied without looking at Clark.

“What are you saying?” Clark questioned as he made his way beside Bruce and gave him a curious glance.

“It’s not worth further investigation from us.”

Now Clark was even more confused. “Are you serious? That’s not like you.”

Bruce let out a low sigh and finally turned to face Clark. “All in all, everything was orchestrated in our favor, and this job was executed so sloppy, I don’t doubt the authorities will put two and two together.”

Clark’s puzzled expression did not change forcing Bruce to further explain. “Wendy is just lucky I’m in a good mood. Thanks to her, I got a lot of insight on some things.”

“Meaning?” 

“So when’s the wedding?” 

Clark’s face immediately went flush as he stammered back clumsily. “B-Bruce! If you’re joking please at least laugh.”

Bruce only smirked in response and Clark was finding it very hard not to avert his eyes. It wasn’t until Bruce’s smile dropped that Clark could finally look back at him.

“Clark…” Bruce started before his voice faded. He then turned his face away to look back out over the balcony as though he suddenly lost the nerve to look at Clark directly. “At this point in our lives, I can’t give you a real wedding. The lives we live right now, it just wouldn’t be very wise. Also I don’t want to compromise the safety of the people around us either. If people were to discover Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent were dating, I’m sure it would be a big enough clue for some of our enemies to find out who we are.”

“Bruce, I told you already, I’m not looking for those kinds of things. I am perfectly happy with what we have right now,” Clark replied with a hint of offense. “Besides, we don’t need some court and papers to define what we have.”

Bruce smiled softly, and it felt almost foreign to see such a look on Batman’s face. Clark had to admit it wasn’t very often anyone could make Bruce smile like that while still donning his suit. Now Clark was more confused about Bruce’s strange behavior.

A low sigh of content sounded from Bruce’s throat and he turned back to face Clark. “That’s what I was getting at, but as usual you put it into better words.”

“Bruce?” Clark questioned as Bruce opened up his cape revealing a small box he’d been holding during their entire conversation.

“This is for you.”

“Wha-what?” Clark stammered as he looked at the package and then back at Bruce.

Bruce now had a gravely serious look on his face that was urging or rather commanding Clark to take the gift. Clark reluctantly reached for the box and opened it before an elated sound escaped his lips.

“It’s a bit simple looking, but I know you aren’t into gaudy things.”

“Bruce…” Clark mumbled his voice suddenly getting lost in his throat. Inside the box was a small silver band edged with gold trim on each of its sides. Clark felt his heart twist inside his chest as a flood of emotions suddenly began to overwhelm him.

“I may not be able to accept any proposals, but I can at least do this much,” Bruce continued to explain. He then removed his gauntlet revealing a matching ring on his own finger.

Clark smiled back at Bruce, and he was certain if not for the lead plated cowl, he would easily be able to see a faint blush across his face. It was then that realization hit him, and Clark’s smile took on a more playful shape. “Bruce when did you get this?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Bruce answered back quickly.

Clark leaned in closer to Bruce so that his roguish smirk was directly in Bruce’s view. “There’s no way you just got this after the show.”

“Clark, just shut up,” Bruce grumbled as he turned his face away from the heroes grin. 

Clark’s smile widened. “Bruce, I really do love you,” he whispered just before leaning in and capturing his lips. Bruce made a sound of protest, but quickly abandoned his resolve and met Clark’s kiss with just as much fervor. He then suddenly pulled away and gave Clark a sly smirk.

“So, Flash was wrong about one thing.”

“What?” Clark mouthed somewhat absently as he realized he was still reeling from their short yet heated kiss.

“You do kiss on the first date, and quite _skillfully_ I might add.”

Clark gave Bruce a wry look. “Shut up, Bruce,” he chuckled. He then leaned and captured Bruce’s lips for a second time that night.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this story was just pure comedy and fluff, and I am not even sorry, haha. 
> 
> Lol, I don’t know why I am so stuck on writing such a tsun Bruce. I’ll try to open him up more the further along in their relationship, but right now I’m enjoying this awkward version of him. Clark can continue to be his cute patient adorable self, but I’ll make him get bolder (not that he already didn’t have a slick mouth around Bruce). I know one thing for sure. I won’t ever make them give up their playful bantering. It’s the whole reason I fell for the SuperBats fandom. Whether they are portrayed as friends or lovers, it’s always great. Anyways, I hope everyone enjoyed this piece of silly fluff! See you next fic!


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